Category: EVX Newsletters

Recognizing Red Flags and Protecting Yourself

Recognizing Red Flags and Protecting Yourself

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Friendships are built on trust, respect, and mutual support. However, not all friendships are healthy, and some individuals may try to manipulate you for their own benefit. Recognizing the signs of manipulation is crucial for maintaining your well-being. Here are some red flags to watch out for and strategies to deal with manipulative people.

Recognizing Red Flags

  1. Conditional Relationships
    A key sign of manipulation is when a friendship or relationship comes with strings attached. This means the person will only be your friend or significant other if you comply with their demands. For instance, they might say, “I’ll be your friend if you do this thing for me.” Such conditions are manipulative and undermine the foundation of a healthy relationship.
  2. Gaslighting
    Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the manipulator tries to make you doubt your thoughts, feelings, or perceptions. They might dismiss your concerns as irrational or convince you that your memory is faulty. This tactic is designed to sow self-doubt and confusion, making you dependent on their version of reality.
  3. Possessiveness
    While a bit of jealousy can be normal, extreme possessiveness is a red flag. A possessive friend may try to control who you spend time with and what you do. They might justify their behavior by claiming they are overprotective or that they care deeply about you. However, possessiveness often leads to controlling behavior that can isolate you from other supportive relationships.
  4. Belittling
    Belittling involves actions and remarks that make you feel inferior. This can include name-calling, criticizing you, or making fun of you in a way that hurts, even if it’s disguised as a joke. Over time, these behaviors can erode your self-esteem and confidence, making you more susceptible to further manipulation.

How to Deal with Manipulative People

  1. Be Confident
    Maintaining your confidence is crucial when dealing with manipulators. Know your worth and don’t let someone else’s negative behavior diminish your self-esteem. Confidence can help you stand firm against manipulative tactics.
  2. Communicate
    Clear and assertive communication is essential. If someone’s behavior is making you uncomfortable, let them know. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel disrespected when you criticize me in front of others.”
  3. Set Boundaries
    Setting and enforcing boundaries is vital. Let the manipulative person know what behaviors are unacceptable and what the consequences will be if they continue. Stick to your boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health.
  4. Distance Yourself
    If the manipulative behavior persists, it might be necessary to distance yourself from the person. Reducing contact can help you regain control and perspective. Surround yourself with supportive people who respect and value you.
  5. Tell an Adult
    If you’re younger or if the situation feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek help from a trusted adult. They can provide guidance and support, and help you navigate the situation more effectively.

Recognizing and dealing with manipulation can be challenging, but it’s essential for your well-being. By being aware of the red flags and taking proactive steps to protect yourself, you can ensure that your friendships and relationships are healthy and supportive. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

'Cult of Personality' in Martial Arts

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Martial arts instructors have the ability to positively impact the lives of their students in profound ways. They not only teach techniques and forms but also impart valuable life skills such as discipline, self-control, and perseverance. The martial arts journey can be transformative, and a good instructor can help their students develop a sense of confidence and empowerment that carries over into other areas of their lives. However, it’s important to be aware of the potential for a “cult of personality” to develop around some instructors. While black belts may be respected for their mastery of the art, it’s essential to recognize that they are regular people with flaws, and not all instructors have their students’ best interests at heart. This can be dangerous for students and can lead to negative consequences such as control, manipulation, degradation, or abuse.

Controlling Behavior

One of the warning signs of a ‘cult of personality’ in martial arts is when an instructor exhibits controlling behavior. This may manifest in the form of micromanaging a student’s training or dictating who they can and cannot train with. Instructors who are excessively controlling may try to isolate students from other instructors or schools and discourage them from seeking out other sources of knowledge and training.

Manipulative Behavior

Another red flag to watch out for is manipulative behavior. Instructors who have developed a ‘cult of personality’ may use manipulation tactics to exert control over their students. They may use flattery and praise to build up their own importance in a student’s life, or they may use guilt and shame to manipulate students into doing what they want.

Abusive Behavior

Degrading or abusive behavior is another sign that an instructor may be cultivating a ‘cult of personality.’ Instructors who engage in this kind of behavior may belittle, shame, or insult their students in order to maintain control. This kind of behavior is not only emotionally damaging but can also lead to physical harm if an instructor encourages their students to engage in dangerous or unsafe practices.

It’s important to remember that instructors are not infallible and should not be put on a pedestal. While it’s natural to look up to someone who has achieved a high level of skill and knowledge in a particular discipline, it’s important to remember that they are still human and have flaws like everyone else. A good instructor will not only encourage and support their students but will also be okay with them training with other instructors and schools to broaden their knowledge and experience.


While it’s natural to look up to an instructor in martial arts, it’s important to watch out for warning signs of a ‘cult of personality.’ Instructors who exhibit controlling, manipulative, degrading, or abusive behavior should be avoided. A good instructor will encourage and support their students while also being open to the idea of them training with other instructors and schools. By being aware of these warning signs, students can ensure that their martial arts journey is a safe and rewarding one.